S2E27 - Edging Lessons

In this playful and informative episode, Jess (The Playful Domme) shares her knowledge and techniques on edging—a practice that involves bringing a partner close to climax and then easing back to prolong arousal. Ella (The Virgin) recounts her recent experiences practicing these techniques with her partner, describing how it has transformed their intimacy. Jess provides tips on using specific touch patterns, controlling pace, and maintaining a focus on both physical and emotional connection. Lisa (The Poly Wife) joins in, adding her insights on slow touch and attentive communication. Together, they emphasize the power of taking control, building anticipation, and fostering trust through slow, mindful intimacy.

_____________________________________________________

🔥SHOW NOTES🔥

[00:00:00] – Welcome & Introduction: Jess, Lisa, and Ella introduce the topic and how it connects to intimacy coaching.

[00:02:00] – Ella’s Success Story: How using slow, deliberate touch transformed her partner’s orgasm.

[00:08:00] – What is Edging? The practice of building up arousal and keeping a partner on the brink.

[00:15:00] – Techniques for Keeping Someone at a 7 (Out of 10) Arousal Level: How to bring them close without tipping them over.

[00:22:00] – The Role of Breathwork in Edging: Using breathing to extend pleasure.

[00:30:00] – Teasing, Slow Strokes, and Power Play: Jess shares expert-level edging techniques.

[00:38:00] – How to Make a Partner Beg for Release: Exploring playful control dynamics.

[00:45:00] – Final Thoughts & Listener Challenge: The hosts encourage listeners to experiment with edging and see how long they can extend the build-up.

_____________________________________________________

🔥RESOURCES AND LINKS MENTIONED🔥

• The Playful Podcast Website – Exclusive after-hours content, workshops, and events: www.theplayfulpodcast.com

• The Wheel of Consent by Betty Martin – Understanding boundaries, consent, and pleasure dynamics.

• Midori’s Teachings on Sensual Mastery – Exploring feminine empowerment through intimacy.

• Lisa’s Coaching on Exploring Pleasure & Power Exchange – Helping individuals master the art of teasing and control.

Transcript

Jess the Playful Domme: 0:12

Welcome to the playful Dom, the Poly Wife and the Virgin Podcast, where we share our most intimate stories, experiences, and details of our love lives, our intimacy lives, our play lives, and giving you the opportunity to gaze in and get a glimpse of what could be possible in your life as well. As we share our stories, our adventures, we weave in tips. tricks and techniques to help build your confidence, boost your courage and give you the opportunity to ask for what you want in your life. Welcome to the podcast. Oh, and just a couple of quick thoughts before we get started. One, we are just everyday people. We are not professionals, licensed therapists, anything like that. This is for edutainment purposes only. This is not medical advice or legal advice, financial advice, none of the like that. Listen at your own discretion. And this is for mature audiences. We're going into deep subjects and sharing deeply about intimacy and all the things about that. So just notice who you're around and let's go. Hello, listeners, and welcome to the latest episode of the Playful Dom, the Polywife, and the Virgin Podcast, where we come together, us three ladies, and sometimes a guest speaker, too, to share explorations, adventures, and insights into intimacy, into play, and into connection with ourselves and others in the world. And today, Ella is Has some, a juicy update from the training teaching demo ish thingy that I did with her and her partner, um, that has shifted and, um, their sex life. And I'm so curious. And then she had a follow up question, which I think would be a really juicy conversation to have today. And Lisa agreed. So Ella, take it away.

Ella the Virgin: 2:11

Sounds good. Oh, Jess, again, I always want to thank you again. Um, and I want to tell the listeners I'm much, I'm very, very vanilla generally. Um, and again, I've been listening to this podcast and being a part of this podcast for the last year and in some change and maybe even two years now. And it took me that long. And I know Jess to go ahead and reach out to her with my partner. And I got to tell you, do yourself a favor and definitely to get some intimacy coaching, unbelievable experience. to bring you and your partner together. But Jess, so, um, my partner and I were actually practicing some of the moves and, and, and primarily we were working on like different massage techniques for him. Um, I gotta say, I think it was like amazing. Well, I know it was amazing. So his, again, orgasm was incredible. His, like the buildup was incredible. I mean, it was like, I was off the charts. But I think I can do better. So my question for you, my question for you is my goal is to have him scream right or whatever that would be in a man's voice. But um, to really let go. So my question for you is at the end, um, is there a way to like I don't know, is there a touch or a technique or something to make the orgasm either even greater? I guess that's really truly my question because when they get to that point, and I mean again, he might have stretch marks just from like you know, I mean so much excitement that it's like, I wanna keep it going and even better. So anyway. Can you share with me. I feel like I have a little more to learn.

Jess the Playful Domme: 3:46

So, first of all, totally celebrating you. And I think it's awesome that he's having amazing orgasms and that you kind of feel, like, empowered, right? Like, you have

Ella the Virgin: 3:56

I do!

Jess the Playful Domme: 3:57

The power in your hands, right?

Ella the Virgin: 3:59

I do. I do. And it's actually, it's funny that you mentioned that as it changes the dynamic a little bit. And not that I would, I feel like you know me. I mean, I'm a type A. You know, I feel like I'm in control. Not that it's about being in control, but it's completely different. And it's super fun. So I think that's the difference. Is it's become And not that it wasn't fun, but it's a different type of fun. And I think when you explained to him, because you did a Yoni massage on me as well, again, ladies, not something that I would have normally said, sure, let's do this. But again, I know just, I'm like, well, why wouldn't I've heard about it forever? I hear it's a great thing. And Jess was able to show him that he doesn't have to be all the stimulation. And just, you can share with this was on the exterior. So it's like, you know, so anyway, so that's not a relief, but that's, that's exciting as well. So I'm done talking. I need to hear more. I need to learn more.

Jess the Playful Domme: 4:54

Yeah. So much happens on the outside and I'm so happy for Ella and her, as you can hear her excitement because one of my Big desires is for every woman in America and around the world to feel empowered, that her power is in her hands, that she can, can do this. She can take her partner, whoever is in front of her to places that they haven't been before. And even yesterday I had a client. Who's in his sixties and he's seen many providers over the years and he has an issue apparently that once he gets hard, it's done, it's over. And I was like, okay, all right. And so what I did is I just went really slow and he stayed hard for a very long time and he kind of like looked up a few times, like kind of lifted his head. Cause he's just like, you know, what's happening. And you know, I haven't, he's never in his life. been able to last that long. And so he's like getting a new experience of what's possible for himself. And this is what I want all the women to have is to feel like that they get to be the one. Well, cause I always want to be the one, but like, you get to be the one that like brings in something new that like, they didn't know was possible before. And it's exciting and it's fun. And it becomes. Just like Ella said, like, Oh my gosh, it's so amazing. And he's having such an amazing time. And I want to be even more amazing. I want it to be even more incredible. I want him to be screaming. I mean, it's like, like, how exciting is that to go from like, didn't even know what's possible to be like, Oh, what else is possible? What else is, what else can I like do? So, um, I have a few thoughts and then I know Lisa always has some beautiful insight and sage wisdom as well. Um, so, uh, Something that I learned, uh, and I'm trying to remember the instructor. I believe it. Her name is Stephanie Phillips. It's definitely Stephanie. Um, she speaks about riding the wave. So when, uh, a man on a scale of one to 10 of arousal, one is not hard at all. 10, they've orgasm. There's kind of this understanding that once a guy gets to like an eight. It's kind of game over like it's just it's done but if you're able to get them into like a seven and stay in a range of seven to three and you and what starts happening so they'll cut to a seven and then you kind of bring them back down to three and I'll explain what all this means but and then you bring them up to seven again and then back down to three and what starts happening is He is going to start feeling like he's at a nine, but he's really only at a seven. So he's going to start feeling the sensations and the pleasure and all of this stuff moving through his body and thinking, Oh my gosh, I'm going to, I'm going to orgasm. I'm going to come in like any second, but he's not because his body's actually only at a seven. So that's what starts being really fun in the play. Um, Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, like, arousal goes where the blood flows. So, if you're thinking about doing upstrokes, you're moving the blood up into the shaft of the cock, up into the head, you know, on the end. Um, and then, when you're doing downstrokes, when you're bringing, moving the, uh, Blood flow down into the base of the cock. That's a way of like, kind of calming things down. So what I like to do, like something for edging and teasing, because what, what you're doing is just you, you want him to like, basically be begging you to come, right? Like, Oh my God, please, like, please can I come? And, and you can also play a game. This is, this is kind of a, Not it, for lack of better terms, I'm sure there's something better that I can think about post production, but, um, that a standard protocol or practice that happens in BDSM, um, in sessions with a dominatrix is that the submissive, the, the submissive is not allowed to come without her permission.

Ella the Virgin: 8:54

Oh, wow. Wow. Okay.

Jess the Playful Domme: 8:58

So, oh, so here's, here's one kinky thing that you can do is you can say like, Hey, you know, I really want to play this little game. Like, how about like, you can't come until I give you permission to, and so, and this like immediately, Like, like excites the system because there's this sense of like, I mean, of course they're ultimately in control, right? They can let go at any time, but there's this implied sense of lost loss of control where they don't, they don't have control over when they can orgasm or not. So right there, like heightens things up with the excitement. Um, another piece. Like I said about the upstrokes and the downstrokes. So what I tend to do is I'll say to, to, um, clients, I'll say, you know, Hey, when you get to, um, level seven, I want you to be like focused on it. I want you to be like hyper, like, you know, thing, but, and you can say to your partner, like, Hey, I really want to, I want to play this game of like, just seeing how long we can, we can draw out this arousal in you. Like, are you open to playing? And he can be like, yeah. And you're like, okay, so. Step one is you can't come without asking for my permission, like without saying, you know, get my okay. And and these are all in very variable so you can take one out and add more or whatever. Um, and then another thing is like so when you notice you're at a 7 you can explain the level of arousal scale like if you Notice your seven. So not like him being like, okay, what number am I at right now? But, you know, and you'll start the more that you, the, the more time that you spend with your partner or whoever it is with their cock, the more in tune you're going to become. So you're going to start knowing when, when their game more turned on. Cause you'll see the nonverbal cues also in the involuntary things are happening in their body as it gets a little bit more. Like they, they kind of tighten up in their bodies. I hold their breath, you know, things like that. And so you can also coach them to like, say, like, you know, you can breathe. So something that I do is I go and I'll exhale and I'll, I'll make it a little bit more audible. So it reminds them to also exhale. So there's like this piece, because the more that we're able to relax, Then it allows more pleasure to come through their body as well. So they'll oftentimes they'll get pretty rigid when they're about to orgasm and you'll see it. And so when that happens and what I do is I'll actually kind of like take out, pull my hands gently away and start massaging like their inner thighs and maybe their balls and around the base of the cock and not touch the shaft and you'll see their body like relax. And so it's like kind of bringing them to that point where they like they're starting to tighten up. They're starting to, you can feel the buildup happening and then you can just like calm it, like, like calming waters, like, you know, the down strokes down the shaft and holding the base. So I'll, I'll do almost like a triangle. Like if you think about your right hand's down and then your left hand crosses over it. And then in between the thumbs, that's where the cock is. And I press down on that. So it becomes like this grounding. And I'm sending the blood flow back down. Um, and so what happens is just Uh, and then I go really slow and I'll have, um, one hand at the base of the cock and I'll take the other and I'll just take my right hand and kind of like, um, with my whole hand over the cock, but just like gently with my fingers, like running up the shaft and just really slowly because if like, Because if you look at men and they're used to masturbating, they most, most of them, not all, but like most of them, they, they, um, they have a fast expression in how they move their hands. You know, it's, um, they're jerking really fast. And so I do the opposite as I go really slowly. So then they're like, they're feeling the pleasure, the excitement's mounting. They feel like they're about to, they should be orgasming, but they're not because I'm going slow. And if I feel their body getting tight, um, like I said, that rigidity, then I like really slow down and I pull my hands away and you just watch their body, like, like again, relax. And so I'll do that over and over again. And I'll take my finger, um, my pointer finger on my right hand, and I'll just gently go around, um, the head Ridge, you know, this, like just along the Ridge of that, and I'll play with the head just lightly, um, Another thing too, for, for many men that I've seen in my experience is that when I'm stroking their cock, I'll actually avoid the head because it's so sensitive. So I'll do like maybe three strokes up the shaft. And then the fourth one, I'll do the head or every third stroke. I'll, I'll include the head all the way up. Otherwise, I just stay in the shaft area and just go up and down in that and that's another way of, um, of doing that. So, so I can imagine that if you were to work with him and saying like, Hey, just let me know if you're at a seven and, and, and you do that cycle, maybe like. three or four times. Um, so it's not something you do like for, I mean, you could do it as long as you want, but I guess like for me, what I normally do is I'll do like a cycle of three or four where they're at a seven and then down to a three and then up to a seven and down to a three, then up to a seven and down to a three. And then I'll start building it more and like their body has gotten into a kind of rhythm. So then there's like. Then there's like the, the awareness to like, Oh, I'm getting to an eight on getting to a nine, like, you know, like they can, like, there's a, like this whole, like, like they want it so badly. Um, another thing that you can do is. Uh, you can feel like where he's absolutely at the edge and then again just like hold the shaft or pull away and just have him Like kind of wild and crazy and then another kinky thing that you can do that I just thought of also is you can you can do this very easily you can actually tie their hands and their wrists and their ankles. So then it's like this even bigger sense of like surrender that they don't have any control. And that's something too, where it can like really drive, drive them wild. They're like, Oh, like they want to touch you. They want to like all those things and they can't and like, Oh, they have to lay here. Yeah. And take this pleasure. And I don't know what to do with it. I can't like get the energy out. Cause there's nothing I can do. And like, there's just like this thing and they're just like, Oh, like they just want to like, like, Oh, they want to touch you because they, they need a way to like get the energy out. And so for you to have the control and be like, you know, we talked about this so that you can't come until you ask my permission first, you know? And so it's like this, so it can become this like really playful thing. So, so those are just a few things that you can take, you can try. You can do one at a time. You can add all of them together, you know, but part of the fun and joy and the play of it, especially when, when the other partners on board, where you're like, I want to see, I want you to be able to scream. So like, let's see how we get there because it's, it's a win win. So those are some of my thoughts. And then, um, so we can get your feedback and then Lisa, like hop on in.

Ella the Virgin: 16:16

yeah, no, that's great. I didn't even think of a few of those. So I always appreciate the insight and I'm looking forward to trying them. So at least I'm curious to see what you have to say as well.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 16:27

Well, I well, you know me, I like it slow. So I, I really like sort of combining the two. The twist with the move of the fingers. So I do that a little bit. And actually, I think I learned something from, uh, Jess when she was here, and that was taking the palm of my hand around the head and just giving it sort of a flat feel all the way around. And I, I have really enjoyed that. So I'll hold the shaft. Pretty firmly. Mm-Hmm, and then feather lightly, um, use my, the palm of my hand around the, the top of the cock. And that's really fun. Um, I also, one of the things I realized is some guys don't like ball play. And so, Mm-Hmm, you, you really,

Ella the Virgin: 17:27

my, my par. My par my partner is that way.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 17:29

Doesn't like it.

Ella the Virgin: 17:30

So he says. So

Lisa the Poly Wife: 17:32

it's interesting. It's interesting because, um, one of my partners really enjoyed sort of a rough pulling sensation. And I did that with somebody else was like, no, no, no tender, tender, tender, don't do that. So I've learned to ask beforehand. It's like, how do you like your, you know, balls handled? And, um, do you like a little slapping? Because I didn't think that I would enjoy slapping and boy, somebody did it. And it just. causes a flood when, um, that happens. So, um, I have not, one of the things actually, Jess, I would appreciate your input on, and that is, I'm, I know it's as easy as just asking, hey, can you give me a scale of one to 10 and explain the scale? But I have found that several of the men have been unable to speak. They can't, they're not really, You know, they're just so well, part of it is they're very present, but my experience is in the feedback that I've gotten from the very few men that I have been with relatively in the last year is that they are used to a mimic A mimicking by the women that are giving them massages or hand jobs, a mimicking of their masturbatory practice. So it's a piston action. It's up and down. It's as you can, it's burn out the shoulder and you know, it's uncomfortable for everybody. And for the men who are like, yeah, just jerk me. It's like, I'm rubbing tuck. Right. It's just, that's not actually what I'm Wanting to express. Um, so they are, when I say they're speechless, it's because they haven't experienced somebody really just sort of exploring and taking their time. And, you know, when I talk to men and say that I'm looking to explore, they're just looking to explore different pussies, right? They're not looking to explore a pussy. And their level, their, their, their definition of exploration isn't actually the same as mine. So when I get my hands on them and I'm literally looking to see how they're reacting to the different ways that I touch them, that leaves them speechless because they're not, they've never experienced that before. I don't think that I'm particularly good at any of this. But I'm different than what they've experienced before. And as I practice, it's good enough, right? Because it is different than what they've experienced, what they've had before.

Ella the Virgin: 20:23

And Lisa, Lisa, I think you bring up a great point. And I think that's, for me, you know, you know, Hiring an intimacy coach, you know, or being with intimacy coach like just is, I think that that you hit the nail on the head. And we've always talked about this. And you guys have mentioned this. If you think it's go slow, if you think it's slow, go slower. So I think you're exactly right. And again, me as a, you know, as a person, as a prefers one partner for a long period of time, I don't know why I would have never thought to just take the time and just to explore as, you know, Again, his cock and rub on in these different ways. So I, and I think it just brings us all much closer. So I think you hit on a really important point right here. Again, for our listeners who are unsure of this, or what does this mean? Again, as a vanilla person with, you know, one partner that I want to continue to develop closer relationship and more intimate relationship, this has been absolutely life changing. Like I said, and I believe our love life is very good.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 21:23

Yeah,

Ella the Virgin: 21:23

great. Right. But this is like a whole nother level, a whole nother level. And it's because of number one, because I've heard this, the twist, I've heard all this stuff, but in order, but to, and I've, you guys, you know, we can see each other. So we, you know, we demonstrate it, but unless you have a coach, it's not the same. So I think that's number one. And number two is. Go slow and explore. I just think it's just so important even with myself because um and Jess was very good with that with my yoni massage her hands were so soft and so gentle and she was in No hurry. Although she had a time frame, right? We all have a time frame. It didn't feel like it ever. So I think that was, that is just, that's the special part, I think. So that's what I think. So I'm glad you brought that up because I agree.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 22:14

What I can say is that I didn't have sex education. My sex education came from magazines. So in, and the magazine titles were how to please your man. Yeah. That's right. How to have fun yourself in the sack. It was always about outward focused and it's in tune with the other person. So the messaging that we got as young women. Yeah. A, we wanted to be liked. So we were willing to spread our legs for, for the men that we were willing to spread our legs for. Right. We thought that we loved them or we thought that we were going to be, I thought I was going to be in a relationship with them. So I was going in a particular direction. Nobody told me how to have sex. Everybody was just like, Hey, you know, if he pushes your head down, you can tell him that you don't like his hand on your head. That was the only no. instruction that we were given. It wasn't, you know, Hey, if you don't like missionary, just tell them you want to get on top. I was never empowered to say what it was that felt more comfortable for me. And it, and today we still have a difficult time saying it, unless I have set the parameters up front about, Hey, you know, uh, if something, if something doesn't feel like, how do you like to be told?

Ella the Virgin: 23:37

Yeah. Yeah. And I, and I think you're so right, Lisa, because we've talked about this, you know, again, for the last few years about empowerment and, and, you know, building our, our parameters. And I think what I learned as well, there are so many things that came out of this, this intimacy coaching. I don't, I guess I'm trying to talk to the, listeners that didn't even know this existed like myself. I'm trying to talk to myself, right? I guess is really what it is, is, um, again, we don't know, but, but the, but the beautiful thing is, is again, I feel like, and it's maybe it's, it's not about control, but it is ultimately about control. So I can choose to, you know, rub on him however I want to. I know it goes to great heights and it's seriously, it control piece. And an intimist, a closeness piece like no other. Like I've never had, and I don't feel like I always have to be like you said, although I love him and we're in a long term relationship, it's like, oh man, you know, I mean, do I have to have sex again? Because you fascinate me, Lisa, because you know, we've talked about this, that it's been months since you've had intercourse. I'm like, really? How does that work? You got plenty of boyfriends. How does this work? Again, I'm just unaware that there's so much fun in play. And so I guess that's, I've heard it for years now, and now I've got to experience it. So there's a lot of great things that come out of this. Silly, I mean, silly, this intimacy coaching. I don't know what to say. It's amazing.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 25:04

I've had more sex in the last three weeks than I've had in the last four months. It's amazing.

Jess the Playful Domme: 25:07

Oh, that sounds juicy. Well, so I want to hear, I know the listeners, I want to hear all about it. Um, yeah, I just, I want to like speak to Ella in that, that like, yeah, this is kind of like a new frontier and it's exciting. Not, not that it's a new frontier, but for a lot of women, it can be a new frontier for them in terms of like, I can actually be empowered. I can actually take my power back in the bedroom. I can actually, like, if I don't have to just lay there and, and take it because it'll make my partner happy. And I want to please my partner. It doesn't have to be like that. And I was like that, like, I I've been like that. So I'm not saying it's not like some magic potion. There's, there's a part of. You're making that, that, that. individual that like that true choice in yourself. It's like, you know, I'm not going to put my body up just because my partner wants it. Like I'm going to, I want to be in a state of arousal where I want to be screaming, where I'm begging him to like, you know, enter inside of me. Like, what would that be like? No, what would that be like? If I'm, if your male partner got you so juiced up and turned on and writhing that you're just Begging for him to like enter inside of you and to fuck you. Like what an exciting opportunity that could be for the partner and what is available to them. And, and like, and I also can understand, I mean, I know even for myself, because a big reason why I got here was because when I was having a sex with my partner in 2017, he knew that I was dissociating, that I was checking out. He didn't have the, uh, The compassion piece to support me and why I was dissociating, which is from sexual abuse and trauma. But it started the, it started the thing for me to like, start like, okay, what's going on. And so this has been the multiple year. This isn't something like, Oh, I've just always been like this, like free woman. I know Lisa can say the same thing is that like, you know, we've overcome a lot of pieces. So I'm speaking to the people that are like, I don't know how I'm ever going to get there. How do I ever get to that place? That's not even possible. That's not even a, I'm not, I don't even know who that woman is in me that can be in that place and space. And I, I just, I want to like speak to them that like, it is possible and it's baby steps and it's titration and it's a journey and you know, and you, you go at the pace that you can, but having the openness and the willingness. And, and I, like this whole cock massage thing, like, you know, I, I hope some, sometime in the near future, I'll have a deeper vision about this, but for me, it's like to give women an alternative. Especially young women to give them an alternative of, of what intimacy play can be with, usually not exactly their long term partner. It's might be at a party or, you know, something like that. And it's like, they're the powers in their hands and they don't have to risk taking on all kinds of things that can happen with intercourse because they're just using their hands and it can be even better than sex. Cause I get that a lot. This is even better than sex. Awesome. Thank you so much. I'm so glad there's just my hands. So that's what's possible. So, um, Lisa, tell us about your sexcapades.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 28:43

Well, um, let's see. I, gosh, I don't remember, but I have a, I call him, well, he's a, uh, he's a professional athlete. Oh, geez. Yeah. Yeah. And unusual F unusual sport, but, um, he, uh, he, I, so I'm going to call him my pro anyway. Um, we've had terrible communication. He's broken dates on me and I have been very, very disappointed in his level of commitment to having a relationship with me. And I think I, I think I shared with you last time about the fact that I had, I've come to a place where I realized that I've been overthinking. I like I started wondering why I was not having a lot of sex and I had a breakthrough. Yeah, that's right. In my head, not in my body. And so I had that experience. And 48 hours later, my pro athlete called me up and what didn't call me up. He texted me. He says, I'm masturbating, thinking about you and oh my God, I want to be inside you so bad. And I was like, this is a man who very regularly tells me that he's fantasizing about me and coming and sends me pictures, which is my requirement. If I sent him photos that if he's going to get hard and come, I want video or pictures. And he, he obliges. And he's on, he's on me all the time in, uh, in text. I want you, I want you. And then I'm like, you know, stop breaking dates and I'll be better, you know, sure we'll get together, but you know, why don't you commit? And I've been really in my head and forcing him into a relationship that he's not interested in. And so I went and I had sex with him then, whatever. For, I think two weeks later, we left for Massachusetts and, um, Before we got to our final destination, Orion flew into a nearby airport and Ev and, um, Orion and I had a threesome on the tarmac. Wow. In the plane.

Jess the Playful Domme: 31:00

What?

Ella the Virgin: 31:00

What?

Jess the Playful Domme: 31:02

On the, in the plane.

Ella the Virgin: 31:03

The hell?

Jess the Playful Domme: 31:05

Were you in the, were you, were you, you was just like on the tarmac, like out in the open?

Lisa the Poly Wife: 31:10

Just on the tarmac. It's a, it's a private jet. So it was, um, Yeah, we were just on the TICE. You want to go see the play? We're like, yeah, sure. We're sitting there and having a, we're just having a soda or something. And Ev was the one who suggested, you know, he's like, Hey, you know, I think maybe he wants some private time. I was like, well, why not the three of us? And so, yeah, so we had a little bit of fun on the tarmac there. It was fun. And then I left there.

Jess the Playful Domme: 31:39

Was that your first threesome?

Lisa the Poly Wife: 31:44

No, he and I, the three of us had done that before, mostly for a photo shoot. Um, when they, Orion and his wife were living with us and she had, she was with her parents, I think she'd gone off and, um, we were taking photos and we're like, you know, let's make a little video. And so we made a quick little video of. The three of us in various different positions and it was not for sex. It was really posing. And this was for sex. It was fun. And then it was quick. It was, I mean, we realized that we were. You know, we put the shades in the seats that we were in and just had a little quickie. It was so fun. So then we got to where we were going. And I, um, had to work that weekend that we were in Boston, that we were in Boston. I flew out to LA and I played with a former lover there. And he, did I tell you about this last week? Yeah, I told I said, Hey, I'm going to be in LA and I don't know if you're traveling or not. He's a, he's, he travels worldwide with bands. And, um, he's like, I am available, I'll make time. So yeah, he, he canceled his plans with friends so that he could be with me on Thursday night the night that I arrived. And, um, I set up my gig. He came over afterwards and, um, uh, we played for a few hours and had a lovely time and it was just so much fun. And one of the things I loved was two things specifically, we were playing and we were about to have intercourse. It goes, you're not ready. I can see that you're not ready yet. Oh yeah. You mentioned this. Yeah, this is good. And And he was like, okay, you need some more time. So he was like, let's get down there. So he said, put your arms around my neck. I put my arms around my neck. I put my legs around him. And he literally lifted me up off the bed and moved me further onto the bed so he could get a better angle at my pussy. So he could eat my pussy a little bit longer, get me all juicy and ready and wet. And he got me pretty juicy, ready and wet. And I was like, wait, we got to get the pad out. I had brought a pad because I knew this guy would be able to get me there. And, um, yeah, so we had the pad on and I just waterfalled was just freaking fantastic. It was so much fun. And then he's like, well, I'm going to need some help from you for, for me to come. And I was like, yeah, he's like, I brought toys. And I was like, yeah, let's do it. So the first thing, so he brought, uh, a cock ring that had a. Uh, anal plug attached to it, it was silicone, which was fascinating because it, the cock ring went around his cock and balls, and then there was a piece of silicone that covered sort of his taint, and the plug went into his ass. But before I put it in his ass, I prepared his ass. And he brought gloves and lube. He brought everything I would need. And I just, I gave him a short prostate massage. It was my very first one. And I was nervous as hell. I didn't know what I was doing, but I just asked, I was like, how does that feel? And what is, are you enjoying that? And is the pressure okay? And yeah, he got all happy and ready and it was fun. It was so fun. So, um, and then we put the plug in and I gave him a blow job and tapped on his balls and, you know, did all the playing things. Tugged at the tugged at the strap on his. Oh my God. It was just so much fun. And he came, we had a great time. He says, next time you're next time you come to LA, be sure to, I just bought a new house. Next time you come to LA, be sure to stay an extra couple of days. I was like, yep, I can do that. He left. I worked the whole weekend. And then, um, and then I've got, I've been talking to several men that, eh, not whatever, if it turns into something, it's something, but. I don't know if you remember back in April, I had met this young, very young guy, 26, and I'd given him a massage and he said, what witchery is this? When I finished my massage, he was like completely blown away. It was high. I couldn't stand up when he got off the table because it was so intense for him. And, um, he, we made a second date and he blocked me that day. And I never heard from him again. Well, as it turns out, he created a brand new FetLife profile so that he could reconnect with me and apologize. Um, and he's, he's, he's blocking me and I thought that was really nice. So he is, he's a switch, but he no longer wants to Dom. He wants to be a sub and I'm willing to try doing some dummy things and he's willing to teach me. So we're going to play, but all of these men are coming out of the fricking woodwork. My cub is back. My lovely sweet hippie club cub is back. So I'm hoping to see him sometime in the next week. And, um, yeah, I'm getting a lot of phone calls and instead of being in my head, like, well, you're not doing enough to make me feel wanted or loved. I'm like, yeah, you're, you're willing to fuck me. I'm willing and you're fun to fuck. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to, I'm going to go back and have some fun with you and not worry about the longterm. Right. They're vetted clean and. They want to play, why not just play with them, because I have really intense relationships that really fulfill me in, in, um, Sapio, and in a lot of ways, Ev. My husband. And so those are the, those are the men that made me feel romance. Those are the ones who helped me feel cared for. They're not the ones who are fucking me. So I'm, I'm going to fuck the ones who wanna. So that's a big switch for me. And it feels like the tide is completely turned. I have a date tonight with a new guy. Hopefully he'll be the, Interesting mature person that I have ongoing, but in the meantime, I'm going to, I'm going to be the hookup gal with the guys that are fantasizing about me and interested in me and constantly asking and constantly coming back. And now, and because I really don't care about having a relationship with them, and I don't mean to say, I'm not in any way saying that they are disposable, but because I'm not invested, I feel like it'll be really easy, easier for me to ask for what I want. Yeah. And be really clear and not feel like I'm risking never seeing them again. Because if I never see them again, eh, it was meant, it was in sex anyway. So why not try and make it better, learn my voice and practice with people who aren't trans. Super. Yeah. Not that they aren't super important to me. I do love them. I love them. They're humans and they mean something me. Yeah, of course. But they're not long-term relationship guys, except they've been around for two and three years. Right. They stuck around so clearly some, they're there for a lesson for me, and I'm gonna, I'm gonna approach it differently.

Jess the Playful Domme: 39:08

Well, and what a gift too, I think for men right now, um, and for the men that you're talking about, that they can openly write you and say that they're thinking about you, that they can express their desire and their fantasies, that they can say to you, I've been masturbating and thinking about you, like. You know, I think that that's, um, you're a safe space for them to be able to express their desire. And that that's lovely because I think for a lot of men right now, especially the last couple of years, few years, really since some righteously so rightfully so like illumination of poor behavior by men that, that a lot of them are, are freaked out to like, express a compliment to express a desire, you know, they, they're, they're really feeling it. And I, I know that I know that when I'm in my sessions with them, because they're very complimentary and they're very kind and they, they feel safe to be able to express themselves. And, and it's a really beautiful thing. So, so I would say, yeah, especially if they feel like they can't tell a woman that they're thinking about her or that their master, but you know, most women are. Be like, who the fuck are you? Why are you telling me this? Like, you know, no, I don't, you know, so you're creating that safe space for them to be able to express that. I can imagine that that would be really healing and nourishing for them too. So we have a lot to, to offer and bring them, you know?

Lisa the Poly Wife: 40:39

Yeah. I've attracted a lot of broken men too. Like this one, this, this young man who wants to submit has had this. Sort of kind of a nervous breakdown and he's trying to slowly get in another one. Is, um, realizing that he's actually not a sex addict, but polyamorous and has been relationships that have denied him his ability to express that. So he's ending that. You're starting and he confessed, not confessed to me, but admitted to me that his, um, stepmother was grooming him for sex. And um, that's upsetting. And I, I have come across a lot of men and I don't know if it's common or if it's just the men that I seem to attract, but all of them, not all, but a high percentage of them have been Or I'm not sure if you want to go to the next slide. I think we're teenagers or young. Early twenties with women in their forties and fifties who were and a couple of them, two of them I can think of were 15, 16, 17 years old with women. And it's. I'm not attracted to younger men. So these guys coming to me is like, And do I really want, I'm not, doesn't attract, I'm not attracted to them. So I don't understand the attraction for older women with younger men. But a lot of them have had those experiences and I feel like there's a lot of healing to be done. It's made them, um, in some ways, the couple of them have been incredible lovers. They were taught well, they were given a sex education, right? Which is unfortunate and fascinating at the same time, but they've, um, I've just seen, I seem to be attracting a lot of them and I don't know why. And I don't know what, what the lesson is for me.

Jess the Playful Domme: 42:41

I mean, I have a couple of thoughts about it. Uh, and, and, and ultimately, like if, if they're coming to you and there's a possibility for healing for them to be able to, um, you know, sometimes with, uh, BDSM. A lot of times people are coming because they, they have a kink, they have a kink, an itch they need to scratch. Um, the dominatrix who trained me, uh, Rina Trevi, uh, I remember her getting to a place where she's like, I don't want to just be the dominatrix that you come to to get your, your itch scratched. I want you to be, I want to be the dominatrix that you come to for transformation, for healing, to like move through these pieces. And, and, and I respect that. Like it's a, it's a transformational process. So, um, oftentimes for people, I mean, I'm not an expert, but from what I've seen or heard is that a lot of things that caused us pain can ultimately become our kink, um, from a psychological standpoint. And so for these younger men that. If they've experienced something where maybe it wasn't really on the up and up with older women and then they see you, it's, um, a point of view could be they're coming almost in a way to complete the cycle in their system. And then how, how to have like a beautiful healing experience where they can kind of resolve the thing that keeps coming up for them. And with you, with your level of awareness, conscientiousness, kindness. Um, you know, and also the, your ability to listen and speak, it could actually become like a very, a style of, of therapy in a way for these men to be able to come to you and have that experience and that healing and closure piece too, perhaps. Yeah. Um, yeah. There's a lot of potential there.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 44:42

Okay. I'll have to think about that. Yeah, I will. Thank you for that. Thank you very much. So yeah, it's nice to have the action. I'm not going to lie. It's fun to have the, the sexual attention now that I'm, I feel more ready for it.

Jess the Playful Domme: 45:01

Yeah. And you, you're, it's nice to see you in the upswing. And I also honor you for being where you were at when you were in the downslope, you know, and where you were. Yeah. What you were feeling during that time and, and being with yourself and also taking, um, action to support yourself as you were going through that phase. And, and now it sounds like you're in another wave and that's exciting. Super great. I haven't had sex in a while either, and I haven't had the desire for it. Um, but I have a lot of men knocking on my door, so it's a, you know, keep getting offers and stuff like that. And I'm just like, yeah, I'm here for a womb healing. I'm, I'm being, she's, she's off the table for now, you know, so, um,

Ella the Virgin: 45:52

And that's a beautiful thing too, right? Taking care of yourself. So that's, That's super special.

Jess the Playful Domme: 45:57

Yeah. Yeah. It is super special. Well, anyways, thank you listeners for joining us on these latest episode of the playful down the play wife and the virgin podcast. Share with us what you loved about this. Share with us your questions, share this with a friend or two or all of them and whatever you find that lights you up, share with your partner and start pulling out the oil and say in the mood and be like, all right. Let's, let's see what we can do to spice things up today and just, and have fun, go slow, take your time, learn, learn your lover, treat them like there was someone that's brand new that you have never touched before and, and find ways to, um, you know, to excite them and, and arouse them and arouse you too. And, and yeah, wait until you're in, you're ready to scream for you have sex, give that a go, build up that arousal in yourself and with your partner and see how it goes. Let us know. Sending lots of love. Bye for now. Want more? Head over to the playfulpodcast. com for all the juicy things we have to offer. From there you can join our community where you can get access to after hours, attend upcoming workshops and events, and even book a session. Bye for now.